Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
