id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
