and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
