She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize