So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
