8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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