you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
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The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
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Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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