i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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