I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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