people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
bring money and cleavage
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You're a waste of cheezeits
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
