I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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