is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
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I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
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Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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