so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
