you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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