I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
