Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Success! We fucked roommates!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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