do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I have aggressive nipples.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
