you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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