Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
