Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
