i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? šš
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I get sad thinking about all the sex Iām missing out on because of the virus
I instituted āquarantine and chillā months ago. Itās not like penises go soft just because theyāre working at home.
Randomize
