Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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