Will you blow on my dice?
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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