Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
