Your face is a jimmy john
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
