wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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