I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
