Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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