Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
