Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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