Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
