You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
