I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
His hands were made for my vagina.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
