This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
