How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
