why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
