Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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