Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
