why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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