We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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