Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
