That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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