took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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