a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
