New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
