Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
