everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
