Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
