Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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