I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
