Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
