Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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