I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
