Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
