is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
