she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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