Me. At least after what I've been through.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
