You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
