Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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