Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
