Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
