So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i drank out of a bidet.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
