I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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