Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
