It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
