She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize